he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
