why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
