you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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