I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
