My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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