Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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