remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
