My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
