checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
