i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
