I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
