the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
