one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
