is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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