Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
