the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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