If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
