When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
