you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
