dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
