there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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