Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
