The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
