Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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