The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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