areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
