Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i already hear my dad disowning me
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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