"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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