It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
