We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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