Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
