no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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