FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
