i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
