I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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