This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
