I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
