There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
