i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
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