So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
