Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
