He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
