So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
