hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
