singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
