Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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