____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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