her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
