Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
