i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
